IFS Therapy for Childhood Wounds: Healing the Inner Child
For much of my life—and in the lives of those I support—I've seen how deeply childhood wounds shape who we become. These aren't always the "loud" traumas. Sometimes, the deepest pain comes from what was missing: warmth that never came, comfort that was never offered, or words of affirmation that were never spoken.
Childhood hurts may appear as emotional neglect, abandonment, chronic invalidation, or environments where we were forced to grow up too early. As adults, these childhood hurts don't go away. They cleverly hide behind: anxiety that refuses to release us, perfectionism that never abates, an unexplainable well of shame, or people-pleasing patterns that leave us depleted and invisible.
This is where Internal Family Systems, or IFS, provides a deep way forward. It does not require us to relive the pain. Rather, it encourages us to encounter the parts of ourselves still holding it—with compassion, clarity, and care. In this article, I expect to discuss how IFS inner child work has assisted my clients and me in starting this holy work. One can safely reconnect with the inner child and start the deep work of childhood trauma healing.
Understanding IFS Therapy
Dr. Richard Schwartz developed IFS Therapy (Internal Family Systems) in the 1980s after he began noticing something all too familiar to therapists: people speak in parts. "Part of me wants to rest, but another part says I can't slow down." This wasn't confusion—it was inner reality speaking.
IFS understands that our minds are made up of distinct Parts. They each have their voice, fears, roles, and even ages. Crucially, every Part tries to help us—even when their methods seem harmful.
At the core of IFS is the Self—a calm, compassionate, centered presence within us that isn't a part but the true leader of our inner world. In Self-energy, we lead with the 8 Cs: curiosity, compassion, clarity, calm, courage, connectedness, creativity, and confidence.
The Parts themselves generally fall into three categories:
Protectors: These include managers (like the inner critic or perfectionist) and firefighters (like the avoider, the numbing part, or the angry outbursts). They're trying to keep us safe.
Exiles: Often younger parts. Exiles carry the pain we've pushed away—shame, fear, grief, loneliness.
The Inner Child as an Exile in IFS
In IFS, our inner child usually shows up as an Exile. These are parts of us that carry the pain of being unseen, unheard, or unprotected. We exiled them not because they were bad but because their pain was too much to bear at the time.
An inner child in exile often holds:
The fear of being rejected or abandoned
A deep sense of shame or unworthiness
Emotional flashbacks—where the body remembers pain the mind can't name
An overwhelming need to please or earn love
These parts are still alive within us, even if we haven't interacted with them in years. They appear in relationships, decisions, and the quiet moments we avoid. And they're not trying to ruin our lives—they're asking for our presence.
The Healing Journey in IFS: Steps to Reconnection
Childhood trauma healing in IFS is not linear and is not about fixing. It's about relationships—learning to sit with the younger part of you, not as a therapist or parent, but as the Self. Here's how the process usually unfolds:
1. Establish Self-Energy (Presence)
Everything starts with the Self. I begin by grounding through breath, stillness, or gentle inquiry: "Who's here right now?" I notice what I feel without trying to change it. There's a sense of space, gentleness, and ease when I'm in Self. I'm not fused with fear or judgment, and even when questions like “why do I feel guilty all the time” arise, I meet them with curiosity and compassion rather than resistance.
2. Identify the System's Entry Point
Often, I listen for what's active at the moment. Maybe it's a tight chest before a conversation. Or a thought I can't shake. These are breadcrumbs. A trigger, a body sensation, or a repeated behavior—all are invitations to look inward.
3. Befriend the Protector(s)
Next, I turn toward the protector. This could be my inner critic, the controller, or even the voice that says, "Don't go there." I ask it questions like:
"What are you afraid would happen if you didn't do this job?"
"How long have you been doing this?"
"What do you want me to understand?"
This might correspond to a persona in Jungian work—the mask we wear to survive. In IFS, we honor the protector and gently ask for its permission to go deeper.
4. Connect with the Inner Child (Exile)
With the protector's blessing, I gently turn toward the inner child. I might sense her in my body—a pressure behind the eyes or a small tightness in my stomach. I don't push. I invite you.
Sometimes, I ask: "How old are you? What do you want me to know?" And then I wait. The child often responds in image, emotion, or sensation.
5. Build Trust and Relationship
I won't rush this. The child may not trust me at first, and why should she? I've ignored her for years. So, I show up consistently. I listen without interrupting. I witnessed it without trying to fix it.
My only job is to let her know: "You matter. I'm here now."
6. Witness the Child's Experience
Eventually, the child may share a memory or belief: "I'm not lovable," "It was my fault," and "No one ever protected me."
When I witness this, I stay grounded in Self. I let her know: "You didn't deserve that. I see how painful it was." That moment of being truly seen can begin to unfreeze what's been locked away.
7. Unburden the Wound
When she's ready, I ask: "Would you like to let this go?" I don't force anything. If she's willing, we may offer the pain to fire, wind, water—whatever feels right.
I also offered her what was missing: protection, nurture, someone who says, "You're safe now. I've got you."
8. Rehome and Reintegrate the Child
Finally, I invite the child to stay connected, not as a problem, but as a precious part of me. Sometimes, I visualize a garden or a warm home inside my heart. She doesn't have to go back into hiding. She belongs.
Benefits of Healing Your Inner Child
This work changes everything—not because we become someone new, but because we finally come home to who we've always been.
Self-awareness grows: We understand why we react, where our triggers come from, and how to respond from Self instead of protection.
Old patterns soften: Shame spirals, perfectionism, and avoidance lose their grip.
Compassion blooms: We treat ourselves with the gentleness we once longed for.
Self-esteem rebuilds: Not from ego, but from deep inner alignment.
Relationships improve: We communicate, set boundaries without guilt, and receive love more fully.
Joy returns: We remember how to play, laugh, and feel safe being spontaneous.
Emotional resilience deepens: Even in pain, we know how to care for our Parts with love.
How to Begin With Dr Bren: Healing the Inner Child
Your inner child responds if you feel a quiet "yes" inside. This journey doesn't require perfection—only presence.
You can start with:
Journaling questions such as: "What aspect of me is young?" or "What does it require of me today?"
Check-ins: Gently ask your inner world, "Is there a part that wants to be heard?"
IFS Therapy: Having an IFS-trained therapist to work with can provide structure, safety, and support. That's my job.
In my practice, I hold space for this kind of deep work. IFS and Jungian therapy aren’t “modalities” to me—they are languages of the soul. And I would be honored to walk beside you as you reconnect with the never-lost parts, only waiting.
Conclusion: Your Inner Child Is Still Listening
If you've carried the weight of a forgotten inner child, I want you to know this: No wound is too old to heal. No part of you is too broken or too much.
With curiosity and compassion, you can begin again. You don't have to exile that child any longer.
They're still listening. And maybe, for the first time, you're ready to listen back.
You're not broken. You've simply needed a witness.
And I'm here when you're ready. Explore sessions and offerings at Dr Bren.
About the Author, Dr Bren:
Dr. Bren Hudson is a holistic psychotherapist, life coach, and couples counselor specializing in Jungian depth psychology and spiritual transformation. With a PhD in Depth Psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute, she integrates Jungian analysis, Psychosynthesis, and somatic practices to help clients uncover unconscious patterns, heal trauma, and foster authentic self-expression. Her extensive training includes certifications in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), HeartMath, Reiki, and the Enneagram, as well as studies in archetypal astrology and the Gene Keys. Formerly a corporate consultant, Dr. Bren now offers online sessions to individuals and couples worldwide, guiding them through personalized journeys of healing and self-discovery.
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FAQ's
1. Why is everyone talking about "inner child work"—and does it help?
Because it works, inner child work helps us reach the root—not just the symptom—of our patterns. When we tend to the parts of us that never feel safe, seen, or supported, we stop re-enacting the same pain. It's not a trend.
2. What makes IFS therapy different from other healing modalities like CBT or EMDR?
IFS doesn't just ask what you're thinking—it asks who is feeling that way inside you. Unlike CBT, which focuses on changing thoughts, or EMDR, which targets trauma memories, IFS offers a relationship with your inner world.
3. Is it normal to feel resistance or numbness when trying to connect with my inner child?
Completely. That resistance is often a protector trying to keep you safe. Numbness is not failure—it's information. We don't push past it; we ask it what it needs. Even that numb part deserves to be heard.
4. Can IFS help with high-functioning anxiety or perfectionism rooted in childhood?
Yes, absolutely. High-functioning anxiety and perfectionism are often led by Parts that had to be "the responsible one" or "the achiever" to survive. IFS helps us meet the younger Part underneath—the one that learned love had to be earned.
5. How can I tell if I'm healing or just intellectualizing my past experiences?
If you're "understanding" a lot but still feel stuck in the same emotional loops, you may be in your head instead of your heart. Healing feels less like figuring it out and more like feeling with support.
Need Help? Contact Dr Bren
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