9 Signs You and Your Partner Need Couples Therapy
Summary: My clients are couples who have the same feelings: they are stuck, disconnected, and overwhelmed with their fights that keep repeating. The therapy for couples brings out the hidden patterns, makes emotional safety stronger, and mends trust and intimacy. It is a means to know one another more profoundly and to form a relationship that is healthier and more connected.
Over the years, I have witnessed many couples, and what I have learned is that loving partnerships do not need to be perfect all the time. It is human nature that causes stress, misunderstandings, and emotional separations. These are just a few of the negative consequences of bringing our pasts, dreams, and fears into one another's lives.
Most of the time, we believe we should sort everything out ourselves - that asking for support is an indication that the relationship is “sick”. But that’s not the case. That isn't true at all. Studies have shown that couples therapy is successful for nearly 70% of the couples participating who are open and are putting in effort.
Some partners discover that going into not only the front behaviors but also the inner, subconscious workings, the manner in which we impose old desires, anxieties, or unfulfilled needs on each other, facilitates their understanding of each other in an entirely different manner. Approaches informed by ideas like Jungian psychology help couples see how old stories shape new interactions, allowing for real transformation.
Here are nine signs you need couples counseling, not as a judgment on your relationship, but as an invitation to grow.
The 9 Signs You Might Need Couples Therapy
1. Frequent, Escalating, or Unresolved Arguments
Cycles of conflict that are not productive take away emotional safety. Partner exchanges, where one raises the issue and the other withdraws their involvement or both attack, have left the partners feeling really misunderstood or misinterpreted.
In therapy, we look at:
Patterns of interaction rather than blaming individuals.
Communication habits that keep conflict alive.
The basic emotional requirements – such as the need to be listened to, appreciated, or protected- are usually the sources of anger or resistance.
Empathy exercises that limit the impact of the disagreement and still allow us to come together.
Conflict is not a defeat; it is miscommunication.
2. Communication Has Become Ineffective or Negative
Communication isn’t about what we say. It’s how we say it, how we listen, and what we do with what we hear.
You might notice:
Frequent disruptions.
Either partner or both partners become passive regarding the subject or avoid it.
Sarcasm or defensiveness is coming into the conversation.
Not being talked to or understood at all.
Whenever communication gets negative or ineffective, resentment and distance increase automatically, not because one of you “wants” that, but because you are caught in a " wrong way" pattern that actually prevents you from understanding each other.
3. Emotional Withdrawal or “Shutting Down”
Emotional withdrawal is one of the hardest things for a partner to blow up. When a person pulls back emotionally, it commonly appears like a door has been shut rather than a dialogue has been stopped.
However, no matter what the reason is, eventually, both parties suffer from isolation and la ack of connection.
In therapy, we explore:
What’s driving withdrawal in the first place?
Ways to safely rebuild vulnerability.
Practices that create emotional safety and space for honest expression.
In my work, I see emotional “shutdown” not as a flaw, but as a signal, a signal that something important is going unspoken and needs attention.
4. Trust Issues Are Emerging or Increasing
Trust, which is part of emotional safety and is to a large extent responsible for the quality of relationships, is an essential factor. It's a compromise, due to lack of consistency in behavior, hiding things, breaking boundaries, or betrayal, severely affects the emotional bond of the partners.
Such situations of compromised trust may result in:
Hypervigilance.
Doubts coming.
Feeling of being emotionally distant.
Inability to be open or show vulnerability.
Therapy can be of great assistance in the following ways:
Pointing out the cause of trust destruction.
Offering both partners to realize the emotions involved.
Making room for accountability and transparency to be rebuilt.
Facilitating the establishment of new healthy agreements that are perceived as safe.
5. Physical Intimacy Has Declined
Intimacy is more than sex. It’s comfort, closeness, presence, affection, and safety. When physical or sexual connection declines or begins to feel tense, it tends to reflect deeper emotional dynamics.
Some warning signs:
Decreased affection or physical touch.
Avoidance of sex or increased tension around it.
Feeling “off.”
Shifts in intimacy can be normal, especially during stressful times. But persistent patterns often signal emotional barriers.
Therapy can help you:
Explore emotional and relational factors that influence intimacy.
Reconnect through moments of presence and grounding.
Understand each partner’s needs and insecurities.
Rebuild comfort and vulnerability in a space that feels safe.
Simple, grounded exercises, breathing together, slow, intentional touch, or eye contact practices can be powerful first steps toward reconnection.
6. Major Life Transitions Are Creating Stress
Major transformations in life, such as parenting, relocation, health issues, changes in profession, or alterations in financial status, usually put a relationship under pressure. Such transitions have an impact on the individuals’ roles, identities, daily habits, and even the expectations they have of each other.
Therapy supports couples by:
Helping you adjust to new roles together.
Supporting collaboration rather than competition in handling stress.
Clarifying needs when both lives are shifting.
Protecting your connection amid external pressures.
Transitions are not problems to “survive” alone; they’re opportunities to grow together with intention.
7. You Feel Like You’re Growing Apart
Days feel separate, quality time dwindles, and you may even catch yourself feeling curious about your partner less often.
This slow distance is often less dramatic but deeply felt.
Therapy can help:
Identify unmet needs or unspoken disappointments beneath the drift.
Rebuild shared meaning and connection.
Practice emotional presence more than simply being physically present.
We refer to “turning toward” and “turning away” as tiny daily choices that can either fortify the relationship or make it weaker. Couples who become aware of these moments experience a transformation in the direction of their relationship.
8. Thoughts of an Affair, or an Affair Has Occurred
Cheating hurts, and it is hard to deal with. Just imagining a love affair can put the two partners into a cocktail of feelings like confusion, betrayal, grief, anger, self-blame, and shame, and they will have a real hard time coping with it all together.
The following are some benefits of Therapy:
A place to process the incident and the reasons behind it.
A methodical help for dealing with strong feelings.
Means to restore confidence with honesty and responsibility.
Direction on whether the couple is getting better together or the separation is going to be conscious.
The therapy for couples provides a framework for the healing that otherwise may feel disordered and overpowering.
9. Recurring Issues or Past Wounds Are Still Unresolved
Some injuries keep coming back, past pains, betrayals, or disputes that seem to be healed on the outside but actually keep popping up.
If unresolved emotional wounds remain in the present, they lead to cycles of conflict or shutting off emotions.
In therapy, we:
Go over the old wounds in a secure and limited manner.
Go through feelings that were unacknowledged or underplayed.
Bring about a real resolution instead of a diversion.
Form new habits that the past does not dictate.
It is not about disregarding the past while healing it. It is about changing its manifestation today.
How Couples Therapy Works
When you come into couples therapy, you’re entering a structured, compassionate space designed to support both of you, not to pick sides.
Good therapy invites:
Emotionally focused, evidence-based guidance that centers on safety and attunement.
Identification of unconscious projections and shadow patterns that influence how you behave with each other.
Reframing old stories so the narrative of your relationship becomes healthier and shared.
Support for both partners’ individuation, your growth as individuals, while strengthening the bond you share.
This isn’t about “fixing” one person; it’s about creating a new language and rhythm between you.
How I Support Couples Through Lasting Change
I think that relationships are best when both partners have the same feelings regarding each other, and this includes emotional, psychological, and physical aspects as well.
We will be working in the following areas during our sessions:
We will go beneath the surface of the conflict to discover what truly matters.
We will also be using structured practices to rebuild trust and openness between us.
We will also be deepening the emotional presence of one another and understanding.
New relationships that are alive and sustaining will emerge among us.
If you are ready to get a better idea of your relationship and if you want support in your efforts to reconnect with your partner, I am here for you.
You can find out more about couples therapy, or you can book a consultation today with Dr. Bren.
About the Author, Dr Bren:
Dr. Bren Hudson is a holistic psychotherapist, life coach, and couples counselor specializing in Jungian depth psychology and spiritual transformation. With a PhD in Depth Psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute, she integrates Jungian analysis, Psychosynthesis, and somatic practices to help clients uncover unconscious patterns, heal trauma, and foster authentic self-expression. Her extensive training includes certifications in Internal Family Systems (IFS), Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), HeartMath, Reiki, and the Enneagram, as well as studies in archetypal astrology and the Gene Keys. Formerly a corporate consultant, Dr. Bren now offers online sessions to individuals and couples worldwide, guiding them through personalized journeys of healing and self-discovery.
Connect with Dr. Bren:
FAQ's
1. How do we know when couples therapy is the solution for us?
When you are feeling stuck, disconnected, or not knowing how to take the next step, then the therapy process can be the one that brings you clarity.
2. Will therapy make us discuss things that we are not ready for?
Definitely not! The speed is determined by the factors of safety and willingness.
3. What if one of the partners is not sure whether they want to stay in the relationship?
The therapy can make clear the partners' intentions and help them to make a conscious decision consciously.
4. Is it possible for the therapy to restore the relationship if the trust is broken?
Absolutely! But it will take honesty and commitment to the process in order to make it possible.
5. What is the time frame for the relationship to start showing progress?
Some changes are noticeable almost immediately; the deeper transformation takes longer to unfold. Every relationship has its own pace.
Need Help? Contact Dr Bren
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Send me a message right now to get started on your soulful journey. Together, we will create a coaching plan that is unique and perfect for you.
DR BREN | Buddhist and Jungian Psychology
207 Wendover Ln, Durham, NC 27713, United States
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